2019 for me has been a year of growth, trials and tribulations. I started feeling more like myself. I also started sharing more of myself with others as well.
Achieving this didn’t happen smoothly, and there were a lot of obstacles and challenges I had to overcome. As a result, I learned 7 major lessons from these experiences. As the year — and the decade — is rapidly approaching its end, I wanted to share this knowledge with you, hoping we all start this year hopeful and prepared.
1. Nothing is black and white
We’ve been pushed to compare ourselves to the elite of our groups. Should we fail these expectations, we feel unsuccessful in our:
- Career goals
- Health and/or Fitness Goals
- School Assignments
- Relationships
However, a score of 60 in a test is still a number greater than 0. Having achieved 1 or 0.5 of our goals this year is still something to value and celebrate.
You may feel compelled to write 12 goals for this next year. However, the goals you choose might be unrealistic, or one of them could take you the whole year. If you don’t do all of them, that’s also okay!
2. Attempt measuring yourself and your goals
When we think of measuring, precise numbers come to our mind. However, a sentence may be more useful than a number. Here are some things you can record daily or weekly to help measure yourself:
- List the “good” and the “bad”, the “pros” and the “cons”, what went “well” and what went “wrong”. Tallying up these items against each other grants you the ability to clearly see the bigger picture. Most of the time, you’ll realize you can be proud of how far you’ve come!
- Record what you’ve done in the day, even if it’s not directly related to your goals. In my case, it has been hard to make notes of my progress immediately “pop” in my mind as I write, so to exercise my brain in the beginning I just wrote about anything.
- Describe how you felt on performing a certain task. Our everyday lives and goals are usually not devoid of emotion. We need to keep in touch with our feelings to make sure we’re going down a path that most likely makes us happy.
- Just write anything. But write. Writing mechanically slows us down. We write slower than we think (usually). Slowly putting together what’s on your mind may help you understand and reflect better, which is pretty cool.
You don’t need to do all of these things. Think of a strategy that feels natural and meaningful. But try to take it to paper. Even drawing instead of writing helps a lot in this measuring process!
3. You will fail. Repeatedly. Consecutively. Consistently. So, rest.
Measuring is your secret weapon against all odds, as it helps identify what needs to change or improve. Identifying the problem is the first step in taking action. However, we can’t always stand up and fire away with our new knowledge. Sometimes, even when we measure meticulously at the beginning, it may not be clear what is it that we can do about our problems.
Therefore, just let your thoughts and emotions sink in as you record them. Relax. And when you feel ready to continue, keep your learnings in mind before standing up. This is a hard process. It can take a day, a week, or even a year. Because of this, resting after failing helps us avoid giving up. If you don’t have any insights, keep recording and keep resting. You’ll get there.
4. There are things outside of your own control.
When you’re aware of your reality, your progress and yourself, you begin to identify what’s outside of your control:
- Mental illness like depression and anxiety
- Socioeconomic status
- Environment
- Physical, emotional, psychological trauma
Let’s please normalize acknowledging your environment before acting. Those that have been able to succeed despite all odds in their environment are unicorns. 🦄 And while we love unicorns, they shouldn’t be the guide of our lives.
Identify if there’s anything too big for you at this time, and plan around it if possible. If it’s not possible, seek for help.
5. You have no responsibility with nothing and nobody other than yourself.
As you record and reflect, you realize that your feelings, goals, circumstances and challenges are enough to keep you busy. Now imagine if you double all of that by taking responsibility for someone else. Sounds hard, doesn’t it?
If you have the space, help someone out to some degree. Avoid doing this completely, or you’ll crush under that weight. Please don’t.
6. You’re not alone. Seek help.
Sometimes even our own weight might be crushing us despite our own individual efforts. We might struggle even with the support of our friends and family! This is not your fault, since there are things in our lives we can’t solve by ourselves completely.
Luckily for us, there are professionals out there willing to be of service. Psychologists, nutritionists, psychiatrists and more studied countless years to help us in problems that seem bigger than ourselves.
I acknowledge some of these professionals are gatekeeped by high fees and bills. The internet is a great source of information for those of us who are lucky enough to have the service. If all else fails, research about government programs and services that could in some degree help you.
7. Reflect and think of a lesson you’ve learned this 2019. Write in the comments!
I’ll be reading and following up! :)
Happy New Year to everyone! ✨
